Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
