Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
