its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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