He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
