My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
