i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
