took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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