And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your cock deserves a montage
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
