I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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