Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
