She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
