if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
