I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
