The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
