I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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