she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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