You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
