My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
