We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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