I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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