I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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