I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Randomize
