Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
