tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My vagina is officially offended.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
