Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
