Do you still have your period?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
