apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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