I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There r osticjed everywhere
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
