so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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