I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
