Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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