you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
