Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
