from now on my penis is your penis
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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