I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
