i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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