I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
