Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
