went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
