you guys were way drunker than both of me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
