these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
