how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Found your dick twin last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
