I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
