dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
