the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
