Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
