my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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