youre lurking in front of me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
