I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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