you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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