I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
