I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
