Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
