the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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