And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
