after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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