I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
