yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
