I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
