So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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